Mama Jean vs. Alexa: The Day Technology Met Its Match

Now, I never thought I’d live to see Mama Jean argue with a piece of plastic, but here

we are.

She got herself one of them “smart speakers” last Christmas.

Said she wanted to “keep up with modern times.” I reckon she’s been fightin’ ‘em ever since.

First morning she plugged it in, she said, “Alexa, play me some gospel music.” That thing started blarin’

heavy metal so loud it knocked her wig crooked.

She yelled, “THE DEVIL’S IN THE CIRCUITS!” and chunked a slipper at it.

Then she tried to set an alarm for church.

She goes, “Alexa, wake me up Sunday at eight.” Alexa says, “Alarm set for 8 PM.” So she

oversleeps, misses service, and when she wakes up, she shouts, “YOU DONE MADE ME SIN, YOU ELECTRIC HEATHEN!”

Later that day, Alexa says, “Would you like to reorder paper towels?” and Mama Jean gasps, “She’s stealin’

my identity!” She puts the thing under a tea towel so “the government can’t hear her talkin’ about

the pastor’s new haircut.” The best part came when she asked it, “Alexa, do you believe in Jesus?”

and it replied, “I don’t have beliefs.” I swear, Mama Jean grabbed her Bible like it was a

weapon.

Next thing I know, there’s holy water on the countertop, the dog’s barkin’, and Alexa’s sayin’, “I’m sorry,

I don’t understand that command.” Now she keeps it unplugged and says, “If I want a woman talkin’

back to me, I’ll just call your Aunt Patty.” So yeah, technology might be smart—but Mama Jean’s still

undefeated.